Sister, let’s talk about something our mothers whispered about and our grandmothers never mentioned at all – the beautiful truth that your sexual wellness doesn’t end with menopause. In fact, this season of life can unlock freedoms and pleasures you never imagined. I’ve had so many patients and friends talk excitedly about the JOY of not having to worry about an “oops”-pregnancy. Even though, remaining concerned and protected from sexually transmitted infections (STIs) is still important, having one less thing to worry about is a huge relief for many…
First, let’s talk about the changes. Yes, hormonal shifts can affect lubrication, sensitivity, and desire. But what they don’t tell you is that these changes aren’t roadblocks – they’re invitations to explore new pathways to pleasure. Quality lubricants and moisturizers aren’t just helpful; they’re game-changers. With condoms, be sure to stick to water-based or silicone-based types of lubricants only. Don’t be shy about finding what works for your body.
Whether you’re partnered or flying solo, this is your time to prioritize what feels good without apology. Communication becomes your superpower – telling your partner exactly what you need, or simply having honest conversations with yourself about your desires. There’s no shame in taking longer to warm up or needing different types of touch than before.
For my solo queens, investing in quality intimate products designed for your changing body is an act of self-love. Take time to rediscover what brings you joy without the pressure of performance or someone else’s timeline.
The biggest secret? Your sexuality at 45, 55, or 65 can be more authentic and satisfying than it ever was in your twenties. You know your body better. You’re less concerned with what others think. You understand that pleasure is your birthright, not a luxury.
Don’t sleep on the power of lifestyle changes either. Regular exercise increases blood flow and boosts confidence. Stress management through meditation, yoga, or whatever centers you can dramatically impact your libido. And please, get that sleep! Your body repairs and rebalances hormones during quality rest.
Now, let’s address the elephant in the room – talking to your healthcare provider. Many of us were raised to be polite and not “bother” doctors with these concerns. And honestly, many of us doctors and other healthcare providers don’t start the conversations enough. But your sexual health is health, period. I always tell my patients that sexual wellness is a vital part of our overall wellness. Your provider needs to hear from you to help you effectively.
Conversation starters for your next appointment:
“I’ve noticed changes in my sexual response since entering menopause. What options do I have to maintain my sexual wellness?”
“I’m experiencing vaginal dryness that’s affecting my comfort and pleasure. Can we discuss treatment options, including hormone therapy?”
“My libido isn’t what it used to be. How can we address this holistically – both physically and emotionally?”
“I’d like to understand how my medications might be affecting my sexual function. Can we review them together?”
“What should I know about sexual health screenings at my age? Are there specific tests I should be having?”
Remember, if your provider dismisses your concerns or seems uncomfortable discussing sexual health, it’s okay to seek a second opinion or find someone who specializes in women’s sexual wellness. You deserve care from someone who takes your whole health seriously.
Your body has carried you through decades of life, love, career, possibly motherhood, and countless experiences. It deserves celebration, not resignation. The narrative that sexual pleasure diminishes with age is outdated and simply untrue for women who refuse to accept it.
This chapter of your life isn’t about what you’re losing – it’s about what you’re finally free to fully embrace. Your joy, your pleasure, your satisfaction matter just as much now as they ever did. Maybe even more. You’ve earned the right to pursue what makes you feel alive, desired, and wholly yourself. Don’t let anyone – including that inner critic – tell you otherwise.
